I make a terrible grown up

So, I sat down here three hours ago with my juice and cookies completely serious about updating this blog.

As you can see, that hasn’t happened yet.

To be fair though, People on twitter were talking about boobs and Rule 34 (By the way, once you see some things you CAN NEVER un-see them.)

This leads me to a problem that I have – I make a Terrible Adult. I’m a grown up, sure. I have multiple photo ID’s that put me in the age range of people who are successful doctors, lawyers, physicists…people who regularly contribute useful things to society. The coolest things I did today?

I sent a text message to someone that said this:

“*looks at *name withheld* and wraps herself in her batman hoodie (Complete with bat ears in the hood) speaks in low goofy voice* I’m Batman.”

I had a conversation with myself about what I wanted to do with a set of children’s sheets I got at a thrift store (Me, Myself and I totally decided that I need a Duck Tails dress).

I found a pattern for a Gigantic knitted TARDIS and almost peed myself.

I had a thought (after finding the TARDIS pattern) that I should (at some point) put my dog in a red fez and take pictures.

Most of my days proceed something like this. 

I pay my bills, I make time to do the things I need to do to take care of myself and my domicile. I (usually) wake up at a reasonable hour and run about to do all those “adult things” that people seem to undoubtedly expect of you past a certain age range. I just do them in things like Batman Hoodies and Duck Tails dresses. 

All of this got me thinking. 

I recently had the “pleasure” of attending my ten year high school reunion. My class was full of a stunning amount of over achievers – people with multiple degrees in very high brow subjects who are regularly contributing to scientific journals, medical journals – doing everything we are told we should shoot for in order to lead worthwhile and astounding lives.

I showed up with a dress I had made myself looking like I had just stepped out of a bad re-enactment of one of the battles in “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World”.

So, as I sit here and I drink my juice and eat my cookies (While wearing a batman hoodie and pig slippers that have the option of oinking when you walk if you turn them on), I can’t help but think about how I must seem to them. 

I remember the days when I actually would have cared what they thought too.

I wonder sometimes why we all get so caught up at a certain point in the why and what and where of putting on our big people clothes and pretending we are really excited about that meeting in the morning. Or those memos on the new office policy on ties. 

Most of us go right from high school (where everyone judges you based on things that really don’t matter), to college (where people judge you based on a whole DIFFERENT set of things that don’t matter), presumably into our chosen life paths (Where we get to display everything we have learned to a sophisticated group of our peers who then proceed to make decisions about us based on a whole different set of criteria that essentially center around values that have sprung up from years of being judged on things that don’t matter.)

If we are lucky we make some good memories, Maybe get married, have families of our own. Some of us go really far in our chosen fields. Some of us have great children, or marry the loves of our lives. Most of us never really enjoy what we have because we are all too caught up in looking at why it is somehow inadequate and how to make it “better.”

I’m sitting here watching the cartoon channel with cookies and juice. In pig slippers. I’m debating weather or not I want to look at videos on You Tube where drag queens teach me to do glitter makeup, or go write in my notebook about my main character in the MMORPG I play, and her relationship with another character that may or may not bear a shocking resemblance to…you guessed it…Batman. 

I’ve fought through a severe case of “Oh look a squirrel” and come out the other end with what (I hope) is a well thought out somewhat accurate reflection of what goes through my head, and what a typical day in my skin might be like.

I’m also happy. I’m calm. I’m content. I don’t have to be awake at any time tomorrow, haul myself to an office, or lab somewhere and look at people who I know are silently judging me.

I certainly don’t have to file any TPS reports (though I may or may not have a red stapler sitting right beside me).

I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had gone the other way. If I owned a pant suit, or had a reason other than Cosplay to own a legitimate lab coat. I wonder how different I would be, If I would be married with 2.5 kids and a house that I had decorated with stuff from bed bath and beyond.

Then once I stop grimacing I pick up my comic book, adjust my pig slippers and walk myself to the kitchen for more cookies and juice.

The thought I always come back to is this…

I may be a grown up, with grown up things to do and places to go…

But I’m ultimately really happy that I make a shitty Adult.

I have the best friends in the world. I laugh so hard at least once every day that my belly hurts. I have a life that I’m excited to participate in – even if that just means I sit around and read tweets about Pokemon gang banging an octopus (Like I said…there are things you can never un-see. May as well embrace it.)

If you all will excuse me…I have some knitting to do. 

 

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