Life has a funny way of kicking you in the ass…

Well Kids and Cadets, it’s been awhile.

I’d like to sit here and tell you it was because I was off, doing important things, with important people for important reasons…but really it’s quite simple. My right ovary tried to kill me, My left breast followed suit and I’ve been holed up in a bedroom playing video games and slacking on my duties as benevolent female overlord. My apologies. I would say it won’t happen again, but in all likelihood, it will. You see, dear innernetz…I am (sometimes) an uninspired mercurial she beast who likes to lay around in footie pajamas and read fan fiction.

I’ve been reading a terrible self help book from 2008 called “He’s just not that into you” (Yes, sometimes I like to torture myself…for funzies. but I digress.) For those of you who have never read it, or know of it, the principle of this book is simple. Do not call a man, Do not pursue him…leave him completely alone. If he wants you, you will know. If not – he’s already decided you aren’t worth it and (Cue book title) “He’s just not that into you.” Now, I have a loud very smart Italian Nona who has been telling me the same damn thing since I was five..however, it sounds a little more offensive coming from a man.

I can’t help but think that maybe there is some merit to it. Every relationship I’ve ever had where I pledged my love and devotion to a man – I’ve been dumped. Every relationship where I went into it doing absolutely nothing, expecting nothing, and sometimes even being a bit aloof – I’ve attracted myself a stalker. Granted it was an incredibly devoted, completely in love do anything for you stalker…but it was a stalker none the less. One can’t help but ponder…does anyone really understand relationships? I sure as hell don’t. I’m kinda okay with that too. At this current juncture in my life i’m happy just the way I am. I’m at a point in my life where I’m secure enough with myself to say completely inappropriate things when needed, set boundaries, and be really tuff when it is absolutely necessary. However, I didn’t realize that until recently, and it took being really hurt by someone I thought I really cared for to realize it.

Wisdom I have learned over the last few weeks :

1) Drinking wine out of a cup with a lid – no matter how practical – never feels right. You always feel like you are breaking some unspoken rule or crossing over into “Drunk homeless toothless lady” territory – even if you rarely drink and this is a special treat – get yourself a damn wine glass and don’t do it during a PvP marathon.

B) (Like what I did there?) If someone really cares for you – they will always tell you the truth. Regardless of weather or not they hurt your feelings. They probably know they are gonna, it’s probably not easy for them either and if you are patient, kind and don’t throw a fit about it – life has a funny way of working out. Even if it isn’t what you thought.

Third) When your ovary and your boob try to kill you all in the same two week time span, It’s probably a sign that you need to slow down, take a big deep breath and park your ass in front of your computer for awhile (Read As – rest).

The ovary thing will sort itself out. The breast issue is more complicated, but I’m not really okay letting it go into the world just yet. Suffice to say, I’m okay, Life is good, and I’m taking care of myself.

I adore all of you, I will write more, and believe me when I say that I will undoubtedly be inspired again very soon.

Merry Fucking Christmas Kids. Be good.

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