Want to see some stupid come out? Change a law. (My reflections on DOMA being overturned, and some “kindly” observations.)

This entry contains my opinions on a religion that I may or may not subscribe to – and is only me calling it like I see it. I know you can’t argue someone’s heart. I’m merely – as always, calling it as I see it.

You all knew this was coming. Especially those of you who know me in real life. Yesterday was truly a historic day in American politics. The day before it – also frighteningly historical but for different reasons…Because I haven’t quite processed the destruction of the voting act, and need to do some more research before I comment on that too extensively – Lest I look like a fool – I will reserve comment. I am, however, fully prepared to comment on what just happened in America to the Defense of Marriage act – and some of the fallout from that in the lovely republican majority state in which I live.

Now, Its should not come as a surprise to any of you that I have no problem with gay people getting married – but incase you are new to the blog, or maybe don’t know me well yet – let’s make no mistake. I have friends of all sexual orientations and genders. I love them all. I have seen functional and dysfunctional relationships between many people. Straight, Gay, Some relationships I didn’t even know how to identify using words. Whatever. Human beings are beautiful, complex machines powered by heart and soul and I believe that if we are tripped up on who someone loves – not the fact that the person is ABLE to love – we are in the wrong places.

I read a really telling article today – in the Indianapolis Star. This article asserted that if marriage wasn’t kept as an institution between only men and women – that somehow children and especially children raised by two parents of the same gender – would grow up unbalanced and confused. That somehow children needed two parents who subscribed to traditional gender roles to become whole people. Like somehow – if mom isn’t in the kitchen, and dad isn’t teaching them to play football, they aren’t married and things aren’t you know…”perfect” then somehow we are going to be raising a bunch of confused, messed up little sociopaths with gender issues. I have news for the author of this article – We’ve been raising those for awhile.

Most of those come from wealthy two parent, gender traditional houses too.

To these people who seem to think that because gay people can get married in some states now – that it undermines their marriage, and it makes it somehow less valid…I honestly want to give my deepest condolences and say that I am truly sorry that their relationships and marriages are so fragile that something like this can upset them that much.

The institution of marriage, as we celebrate it in the world today – has changed DRAMATICALLY.  It always cracks me up when people want to defend “Traditional” marriage. I want to ask them – which version? The fact that you can no longer trade three goats and a pig for your wife means that we have already redefined traditional marriage. It wasn’t until recently that weddings have become the spectacle that they are. Not in this way. I’ve seen some truly disgraceful money spent on weddings that we invalidated six months later when the people realized what everyone else already knew – that they shouldn’t be together in the first place.

I’ll give these people the benefit of the doubt and go ahead and realize that they think marriage should only be between a man and a woman who plan to have children. They put so much focus on marriage in the context of breeding.

Never mind that at this point over half of traditional marriages fail, and I don’t know a single person (Save for the few gay couples I know who own property and are financially solvent) who can afford the financial responsibility of having a child – and even fewer who can handle the emotional responsibility of having a child.

Yet, here we are. Children are born to “Normal, traditional” couples every day who are beaten, raped, abused, cast out and live in abject poverty in this country. I know people who were raised by gay parents – who are some of the most functional, compassionate, amazing people I have ever met.

People like to throw out the bible as an excuse for opposing gay relationships and marriage as well. I’ve actually read the bible, cover to cover a few times. I know that the places in that book it mentions gay relationships, it also mentions not eating pork – about 4x as many times. Where it says anything about it in the new testament – the part of the bible Christians believe set the new covenant and have them their messiah – is after Jesus had already died and rose.

It comes from Paul – and he actually specifies that it is something that is his INTERPERTATION of scripture and when put in context of the day (because this is also the same guy who said that women should never teach over men and that we should always have our heads covered. He writes a lot of the passages that are used in defense of men beating their wives and children – women being shunned, having their hair cut – that kind of thing) it is directed at a society who had NEVER known Christianity at all.  I want you to think about that. He was setting up a standard of behavior for the time in a land of an emerging religion.

The fact that this gets rolled out there as an excuse for a Christian to oppress anyone from doing anything – is laughable to me. I’ve read the words Jesus said. He was a cool dude. He didn’t come and hang out with the church officials – he came to the poor, the outcast, the prostitute, the widow – you get the idea. The notion of a Christian using the words of a man who UPSET THE ENTIRE ORDER OF A GOVERNMENT AND THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE UNDER IT…to create law – is incredibly hilarious to me. The irony is thick. Christians are supposed to follow the words Jesus said and the LIFE HE LIVED. IF the only thing that you know about Jesus is what your Christian friends who oppose gay relationships and get incredibly preachy and damning tell you – then I encourage you to do your own research and put it all in context. Christians are supposed to oppose sin – and yes, going out and having sex with people you don’t love, defiling your body, turning yourself into only a sexual object is sinful – by that definition – a sin of the flesh if you will.

We all know plenty of straight people who go and do that as well. They (Christians) are also supposed to LOVE the sinner.

Jesus didn’t say “Hey guys. You should probably go out and tell people all about the kind of awesome man I was” – He said “Go and DO AS I DO.”

This is the guy who was hugging lepers and prostitutes and tax collectors. This is the guy who made blind men see and crippled people walk. This is the guy who destroyed shops in the temple because they turned his fathers house into a mockery. This is the man who adamantly said “Judge not lest ye be judged.” As fundamental to Christianity as the belief that believing in Jesus is the way to heaven is the concept that we are ALL sinners. That one of the only ways to know the God you worship is through love and understanding of your brothers and sisters. Period.

Making a law based on a faith that was – started two thousand years ago by a charismatic anti-establishment rebel and trying to do exactly what he said NOT to do (Judging, forcing your beliefs on people, Telling them they are going to hell) is strange to me.

There is nothing threatening to me, my relationships, the love I share with the man (or woman) of my choice about two men, or two women being able to be legally married. There isn’t.

If there is one constant in the world, it is that people hate change. We fear it. I live in a country that, one-hundred sixty years ago – in certain parts of it – it was acceptable by law for a man to beat his wife…As long as he did it with a stick no wider than his thumb. Sixty years ago, It was legal and acceptable to make someone use different facilities, different schools, different everything – just because they happened to be born a darker skin tone than I am. All of these laws were justified with religious passages from the same book that talks about love, and tolerance, and helping each other – About not judging each other.

We are living, growing and learning every day. That same book also carries the message that no one is beyond redemption. It talks about hope, and freedom from oppression – both from each other and from these laws we see as unjust.

I really hope that someday, we can move past all this petty bullshit and start working on the things that we all need to do to start ACTUALLY making the world better.

Until then  – I’ll be here. Waiting on the world to change, and doing the best I can to help it get there.

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2 thoughts on “Want to see some stupid come out? Change a law. (My reflections on DOMA being overturned, and some “kindly” observations.)

  1. Blunt as a punch to the face; enlightening as an epiphany. Love it.

    It is indeed quite funny that those who brandish the bible to justify their particular moral code, usually (or rather, always) ignore large swaths of it and only take whatever seems useful to their own cause. Ages old practice known as quote mining.

    Religion aside, it is indeed blatant to those who want to see that marriage is already redefined. Game over, folks, humanity and tolerance won.

  2. I believe that you have brought much of what people are afraid to discuss outside the confines of the normal dichotomy of discussion that has dominated in the past. What marriage are you really holding up? The one where the two parts of the couple spend more time at work than they do with each other? Where money is a more important motivator than raising decent and respectable children? Where we are so insecure in our own space, that we cannot see the qualities that we possess of both labeled genders?

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